I just finished the second retreat in as many months where we discussed the question, "What do you really, reaaaally, REALLY, really (many really's later) want?" I wrote of wanting to help other people, lose weight, have an easy life, make good choices, start a non-profit, be a good mom...the list went on. And on. I only had three minutes to write about it.
Today in the car with Altug I was talking to him about the retreat while also pointing out shops that we were passing and asking him if he had ever been to this and that restaurant (plus comment on my opinion of the restaurant) and telling him where to park, and ....he looked at me and said, "I don't understand how your brain works!" I said, "It has many layers and is like this all the time, always thinking, questioning, creative, retreating...." Honestly, it can be exhausting.
Driving home from the retreat my mentor/friend/life coach Kris said something that resonated with me after my struggling to give an answer to a simple question. "Maybe you are just overcomplicating things. Usually it's really simple. You want to or you don't." We were talking about going to the gym. I said "You really think I don't want to go to the gym?" and she said, "Yes, you choose to stay in bed. That is your choice. Simple." Oh how I hate it when she simplifies it so much and I know it is true. SO true. That Real House Wives of whatever city has been a choice for me over exercise is not something I want to own up to, but it is my choice. Comfy bed over burpees, totally my choice.
In thinking today about what I reallllllly want, I am going to work on simplfying. Owning my choices and not questioning the hell out of myself. That's also going to take listening to my true self and not all the bogus thoughts that are clouded with the what ifs. Taking action on the voice that knows what really will work and feel good and simple.
So what do you really want? Think about it...write about it. You might be surprised at the answer you get.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Row, Row, Row...
Have you ever really listened to the song Row, Row, Row your Boat? Me neither until today while listening to a Wayne Dyer speech about spiritual laws.
I'm a fighter, I try to control a lot and feel like many things I have to organize and stay on top of because so many people depend on me (not true, but this is what I tell myself so I have reason to battle on another day, fight the good fight).
But when I can't win, which is often, I get stressed, I pull away, I over analyze and over tell people what they should do, I seem like I am not listening because I am just working like crazy to make things my vision of perfect.
Anyway..think about the words to this song (say it rather than sing it):
Row, row, row your boat,
Gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but a dream.
I don't know about you, but I tend to row quite a lot up stream in other peoples boats andas well as my own. Up stream in rapids if you count today.
I am working on staying in my own boat, on my stream. It just sounds easier to me then jumping in all ya all's boat and getting in your business and telling you where to row. :-)
The last line is so beautiful, simple, and true..Life is but a dream.
I'm a fighter, I try to control a lot and feel like many things I have to organize and stay on top of because so many people depend on me (not true, but this is what I tell myself so I have reason to battle on another day, fight the good fight).
But when I can't win, which is often, I get stressed, I pull away, I over analyze and over tell people what they should do, I seem like I am not listening because I am just working like crazy to make things my vision of perfect.
Anyway..think about the words to this song (say it rather than sing it):
Row, row, row your boat,
Gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but a dream.
I don't know about you, but I tend to row quite a lot up stream in other peoples boats andas well as my own. Up stream in rapids if you count today.
I am working on staying in my own boat, on my stream. It just sounds easier to me then jumping in all ya all's boat and getting in your business and telling you where to row. :-)
The last line is so beautiful, simple, and true..Life is but a dream.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
A Gift That WIll Keep Giving
I got a huge present in the mail today. It was wrapped in great wrapping paper and a big bow. I knew exactly what it was...a gift I am giving myself. It was all of the materials I need for Weight Loss Life Coaching Certification that I am going to be going through. I have signed up for an amazing program that will change me forever, I am sure of it.
I have played around with the idea for years, and after a great talk with a friend the other day I made the move to do it. I didn't think I could/should because I still have so far to go. She said that's exactly why I should do it, that people will know that I was able to accomplish what I am looking to help them with.
So I did it. I signed up and am ready to go. I am not sure where this road will take me, but I feel like I am on the right path.
XOXO.....Jenny
I have played around with the idea for years, and after a great talk with a friend the other day I made the move to do it. I didn't think I could/should because I still have so far to go. She said that's exactly why I should do it, that people will know that I was able to accomplish what I am looking to help them with.
So I did it. I signed up and am ready to go. I am not sure where this road will take me, but I feel like I am on the right path.
XOXO.....Jenny
Sunday, May 20, 2012
It's about time...
Today I had a huge accomplishment. I finally figured out how to make my wireless internet work since moving in early April. I finally just pressed the reset button and BAM...it worked. That button would have saved me countless calls to Comcast if I had known about it sooner. Oh well, I am much more tech savvy now I guess.
Anyway, I am back and need to start up this blog again.
Some exciting things are going on for me and I'll be happy to share them with you here.
Until then, have a great Sunday!
Jenny
Anyway, I am back and need to start up this blog again.
Some exciting things are going on for me and I'll be happy to share them with you here.
Until then, have a great Sunday!
Jenny
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Doplar Radar
As I was driving home last week from Lathrop to Rancho Cordova I drove through a huge storm.
When I left Lathrop, which is just south of Stockton, the sun was shining and I thought to myself that I was surprised that it hadn't rained yet. I talked to my dad as I left and he said that if I was planning on taking highway 99 that I would be going through a bad rain storm, that it was red on doplar radar which he hadn't seen for a long time. Being a daughter, I thought, "Oh dad, stop being so dramatic!" and I said something like, "I'm SURE I'll be fine, I drive everywhere." As usual, he was right.
As I entered Galt rain was pouring so hard that I couldn't see through the windshield and I had a little moment of panic and mentally had to be strong so I could make it home safely. Just when I thought it was clearing up, I would come upon a huge big rig that would make it so I could barley see where I was.
When I got home the sun was shining. I could see the dark cloud of rain that I had just driven through. Dark, menacing, hovering ever so close. But I was in the sun again, thankfully.
So, I started thinking about the doplar radar. The thing we see on the news to tell us a storm is coming, or here, and the severity of it. I began to think about how that applies to life.
Have you ever wondered why bad things happen to good people? I do, because I know a lot of good people who go through some tough life changes. Some handle it well, and some not so much. I began to realize that life's challenges are like storms that come through our lives. Sometimes they are just clouds that pass over and wouldn't even show up on the doplar radar.
But some, some are the red storms that pass over and pound us down to the ground, to the point that all you can do is stay inside and hunker down in bed (or on the side on the road), waiting for it to pass by.
Sometimes we wonder if it will ever end, because sometimes it feels like one continuous storm that just keeps coming and coming. It would be nice if we had doplar radar for humans. "Jenny, an orange storm is heading your way...prepare!!" or "Today will be sprinkled with little showers, but it will be an overall nice day."
So, I started to think, well, we can't control life's storms because we are all going to have them. What I thought was, I get to choose where I live so I can handle them better, and hopefully have less of them.
Some places on earth or going to have more storms than others and I get to choose where I live mentally!! Do I want to live in a mental Hawaii or Alaska? A warm location that has occasional storms, but is overall paradise. Or Alaska where most days are pretty brutal, cold, and a bear might be waiting for me.
I choose Hawaii! I can choose the way I feel every day and how I surround myself with great people and self care. I want to live in a warm location with people saying Mahalo to me all day long.
This much is true, the storms will pass, we can pick up the pieces and move forward. Life is waiting and the sun is shining somewhere.
When I left Lathrop, which is just south of Stockton, the sun was shining and I thought to myself that I was surprised that it hadn't rained yet. I talked to my dad as I left and he said that if I was planning on taking highway 99 that I would be going through a bad rain storm, that it was red on doplar radar which he hadn't seen for a long time. Being a daughter, I thought, "Oh dad, stop being so dramatic!" and I said something like, "I'm SURE I'll be fine, I drive everywhere." As usual, he was right.
As I entered Galt rain was pouring so hard that I couldn't see through the windshield and I had a little moment of panic and mentally had to be strong so I could make it home safely. Just when I thought it was clearing up, I would come upon a huge big rig that would make it so I could barley see where I was.
When I got home the sun was shining. I could see the dark cloud of rain that I had just driven through. Dark, menacing, hovering ever so close. But I was in the sun again, thankfully.
So, I started thinking about the doplar radar. The thing we see on the news to tell us a storm is coming, or here, and the severity of it. I began to think about how that applies to life.
Have you ever wondered why bad things happen to good people? I do, because I know a lot of good people who go through some tough life changes. Some handle it well, and some not so much. I began to realize that life's challenges are like storms that come through our lives. Sometimes they are just clouds that pass over and wouldn't even show up on the doplar radar.
But some, some are the red storms that pass over and pound us down to the ground, to the point that all you can do is stay inside and hunker down in bed (or on the side on the road), waiting for it to pass by.
Sometimes we wonder if it will ever end, because sometimes it feels like one continuous storm that just keeps coming and coming. It would be nice if we had doplar radar for humans. "Jenny, an orange storm is heading your way...prepare!!" or "Today will be sprinkled with little showers, but it will be an overall nice day."
So, I started to think, well, we can't control life's storms because we are all going to have them. What I thought was, I get to choose where I live so I can handle them better, and hopefully have less of them.
Some places on earth or going to have more storms than others and I get to choose where I live mentally!! Do I want to live in a mental Hawaii or Alaska? A warm location that has occasional storms, but is overall paradise. Or Alaska where most days are pretty brutal, cold, and a bear might be waiting for me.
I choose Hawaii! I can choose the way I feel every day and how I surround myself with great people and self care. I want to live in a warm location with people saying Mahalo to me all day long.
This much is true, the storms will pass, we can pick up the pieces and move forward. Life is waiting and the sun is shining somewhere.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Lost
I love my Coldplay.
Just because I'm losing
Just because I'm losing
Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I will cross
Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
There is Something About Mary
One of the biggest gifts I have been given in recent months is getting to meet a wonderful woman named Mary. During one quite brutal workout of dragging a sled through a parking lot, as the crowd was cheering me and others on to the finish line, a woman came out of the crowd and walked by my side and told me, "Wow, you are so strong! Good job!"
I was too out of breath to really thank her for the encouragement, but it really stood out to me. I thought there is something very special about her.
I started to notice that she was so caring and loving to all of us CrossFitters in our wonderful 6am class. She welcomes people with hugs, she cheers us along in the hard workouts, and she is hilarious!!
One day we were chatting and she told me that she was terrified every day to see what they workout was. I told her I felt the same way! I think at that moment we connected.
I hope everyone has a Mary in their life. She is honest, caring, authentic, and has been a pillar of support for me over the past few months. We both agree we showed up in each others life at the perfect time and are taking full advantage of how we can help each other grow.
I just want to give Mary a shout out. There is Something Special about Mary. There is nothing in her hair, it's all in her heart...it's lot's love!!
I was too out of breath to really thank her for the encouragement, but it really stood out to me. I thought there is something very special about her.
I started to notice that she was so caring and loving to all of us CrossFitters in our wonderful 6am class. She welcomes people with hugs, she cheers us along in the hard workouts, and she is hilarious!!
One day we were chatting and she told me that she was terrified every day to see what they workout was. I told her I felt the same way! I think at that moment we connected.
I hope everyone has a Mary in their life. She is honest, caring, authentic, and has been a pillar of support for me over the past few months. We both agree we showed up in each others life at the perfect time and are taking full advantage of how we can help each other grow.
I just want to give Mary a shout out. There is Something Special about Mary. There is nothing in her hair, it's all in her heart...it's lot's love!!
My Super-Ego Can Be a Super A-Hole
I have been in a funk, a super funk, a super-ego funk.
What, you ask, is a super-ego?
Based on the great Wikipedia:
The super-ego aims for perfection. It comprises that organised part of the personality structure, mainly but not entirely unconscious that criticises and prohibits his or her drives, fantasies, feelings, and actions. "The Super-ego can be thought of as a type of conscience that punishes misbehavior with feelings of guilt.
If you haven't read the first part of my blog, let me catch you up. I want to live a beautifully enlightened life, and choose to do so, even though my fears paralyze me at times. I am have been teetering on paralyzed for the past two weeks.
I don't know why or how it happens, but it sneaks up on me sometimes, my super critical perfectionist self. My critical voice that only sees good vs. bad, black vs. white, success or failure. There is no middle ground if the superego has her way. I can look in the mirror on one trip to the bathroom and think I am the hottest thing ever and come by an hour later and wonder how I have any friends. It's been a rough few weeks.
Last week it came to a head when I was on the trail with my friend Mary and I just stared crying, overwhelmed with emotion. I felt such a lack of connection to myself that I was getting nervous that all the work I had done over the past few months was slipping away just as I sharing my story. I was scared that everything was about to fall apart because I wasn't being perfect in my eating, my parenting, my work, my working out.
I forgot the most important thing, I don't need to do it perfectly. I need to do things with love, and that needs to start with myself.
I hit a boiling point on the misty trail. Once we were done talking I got in my car and cried a bit more. Mary sent me a text that said, "Sometimes soup has to boil to be good." I laughed and thought that was the perfect quote that I needed.
I'm resilient. My soup has boiled before and it always comes out way better than it was before, and that's the case here too. I've been through some major s$%! in my life and I have survived and thrived. I know if I trusted and was kind to myself I would pull out of my funk. I knew again that I wasn't going to give up, even if I wasn't doing things perfectly. I am working on being as kind to myself as I am to others. I am working on taking care of me without fear that everything else will fall apart.
And, I know another funk awaits me one of these days when something lights up my Super-ego and I'll have to go through this process again, but I think I am gaining some tools on how to turn it around sooner. This weekend I mediated and went to yoga to help calm my mind and it helped greatly. Life is good, super-ego is in check for now.
What, you ask, is a super-ego?
Based on the great Wikipedia:
The super-ego aims for perfection. It comprises that organised part of the personality structure, mainly but not entirely unconscious that criticises and prohibits his or her drives, fantasies, feelings, and actions. "The Super-ego can be thought of as a type of conscience that punishes misbehavior with feelings of guilt.
If you haven't read the first part of my blog, let me catch you up. I want to live a beautifully enlightened life, and choose to do so, even though my fears paralyze me at times. I am have been teetering on paralyzed for the past two weeks.
I don't know why or how it happens, but it sneaks up on me sometimes, my super critical perfectionist self. My critical voice that only sees good vs. bad, black vs. white, success or failure. There is no middle ground if the superego has her way. I can look in the mirror on one trip to the bathroom and think I am the hottest thing ever and come by an hour later and wonder how I have any friends. It's been a rough few weeks.
Last week it came to a head when I was on the trail with my friend Mary and I just stared crying, overwhelmed with emotion. I felt such a lack of connection to myself that I was getting nervous that all the work I had done over the past few months was slipping away just as I sharing my story. I was scared that everything was about to fall apart because I wasn't being perfect in my eating, my parenting, my work, my working out.
I forgot the most important thing, I don't need to do it perfectly. I need to do things with love, and that needs to start with myself.
I hit a boiling point on the misty trail. Once we were done talking I got in my car and cried a bit more. Mary sent me a text that said, "Sometimes soup has to boil to be good." I laughed and thought that was the perfect quote that I needed.
I'm resilient. My soup has boiled before and it always comes out way better than it was before, and that's the case here too. I've been through some major s$%! in my life and I have survived and thrived. I know if I trusted and was kind to myself I would pull out of my funk. I knew again that I wasn't going to give up, even if I wasn't doing things perfectly. I am working on being as kind to myself as I am to others. I am working on taking care of me without fear that everything else will fall apart.
And, I know another funk awaits me one of these days when something lights up my Super-ego and I'll have to go through this process again, but I think I am gaining some tools on how to turn it around sooner. This weekend I mediated and went to yoga to help calm my mind and it helped greatly. Life is good, super-ego is in check for now.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
The email...
Reaching out to others can be a powerful experience. Walls come down for one person, while the other one helps in ways they probably don't realize.
Back in September I signed up for CrossFit. After my first day I was strangely mortified and excited at the same time. First of all I was thrilled that I had stepped out of my comfort zone and even went by myself. I was mortified because of how far out of control I saw I had let myself get.
This when I got to meet Blair Morrison. He is the owner of CrossFit Anywhere and he was so nice to me that I almost wanted to cry. Actually, everyone there was so nice I wanted to cry. How could they be so nice to me when I was so hard on myself? I really give props to Blair for creating an environment that anyone, at any level of fitness, could feel welcome and feel like they belong there.
I left that day and sent him an email thanking him and his response had a very big impact on how I was thinking about this journey of fitness. I share it below because I think it apply's to anyone who is afraid to begin to workout because of feelings of inadequacies.
He may not know what kind of impact taking 10 minutes to write an email to me really had. I look at this email often when I feel like I can't continue, when I retreat to a place of doubt about my ability, when I am overwhelmed with how far I have to go, and it helps me know that those feelings are not unique to me, but how I overcome them is.
What I really like about his approach is that he tells me I am not alone in how I feel. He doesn't feel sorry for me. He says it's up to me. I feel empowered every time I read it.
Back in September I signed up for CrossFit. After my first day I was strangely mortified and excited at the same time. First of all I was thrilled that I had stepped out of my comfort zone and even went by myself. I was mortified because of how far out of control I saw I had let myself get.
This when I got to meet Blair Morrison. He is the owner of CrossFit Anywhere and he was so nice to me that I almost wanted to cry. Actually, everyone there was so nice I wanted to cry. How could they be so nice to me when I was so hard on myself? I really give props to Blair for creating an environment that anyone, at any level of fitness, could feel welcome and feel like they belong there.
I left that day and sent him an email thanking him and his response had a very big impact on how I was thinking about this journey of fitness. I share it below because I think it apply's to anyone who is afraid to begin to workout because of feelings of inadequacies.
He may not know what kind of impact taking 10 minutes to write an email to me really had. I look at this email often when I feel like I can't continue, when I retreat to a place of doubt about my ability, when I am overwhelmed with how far I have to go, and it helps me know that those feelings are not unique to me, but how I overcome them is.
What I really like about his approach is that he tells me I am not alone in how I feel. He doesn't feel sorry for me. He says it's up to me. I feel empowered every time I read it.
On Thu, Sep 8, 2011 at 4:00 PM, Jenny Misirli wrote:
Hi Blair,
I just wanted to say thank you for helping me today. It is a humbling experience for me who likes to do everything at a high level to not be able (yet) to do what others are doing. It was a big decision even buying the groupon, but I am glad I did.
I just wanted to say thank you! I will be there tomorrow at 6pm with my husband.
Have a great day…
Hi Jenny, sorry for my delayed response... My computer got sent to the apple store for repairs and I have been off email because of it. A nice reprieve, I admit, but now I'm scrambling to catch up.
Anyways, humbling experiences of any sort can be hard to process, and physically humbling ones even more so. I'm glad you are willing to embrace this because it is honestly the only way to progress. Fitness is hard because you have to fail to improve. People that always stop short of their margins never get better because their body doesn't get the signal that it needs to anything different than it's already doing. Logically this is easy to understand, but practically it feels like you're just constantly being humbled and that gets tiresome. I've been there as an athlete, I've coached people through it as a personal trainer, and I've seen people succumb to it and continue on the road they were previously on. It's not an easy thing to overcome.
The best way to succeed is to surround yourself with people who have decided to take on similar burdens. No two goals are exactly the same and neither are two starting points. But the intention and dedication can be. It helps to know there are others experiencing similar struggles. This is why CrossFit is special. Everyone at the gym is doing something they're uncomfortable just about every day. The things I ask of my members are challenging physically and mentally... this is meant to bind them together into a community that supports one another through harder times. It works and you will see progress if you can stand the growing pains.
I hope to see you in again this week to continue the Onramp classes. Please let me know if you have any questions or issues I can help with.
All the best,
Blair
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
What's Your Story?
Every Heart Has a Story to Tell
A video made by my friend Kris Plachy: author, life coach, and all around amazing woman. This video reminds me that my story is still being written, and so is yours.
A video made by my friend Kris Plachy: author, life coach, and all around amazing woman. This video reminds me that my story is still being written, and so is yours.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
400 meters
I'm a pretty brave person. Here are the facts:
- I moved out of my moms house at 18.
- I drove a uhaul all by myself to San Diego and checked myself into college dorms.
- I backpacked Europe when I was 21 alone.
- I joined the Peace Corps and spent two years in Romania.
- I fell in love with Altug after a night out drinking on St. Patty's day in Istanbul, met his family that week, let my friends return to Romania so I could stay behind with him.
- I've been to Serbia and Croatia.
- I married Altug after 3 months of knowing him.
- I am responsible for leading 80 plus people in my job and making big decisions daily.
I am currently terrified of the following:
- Running
- Not eating bread
- Cartwheels, handstands, and front rolls
- Running
- Box jumps
- Running
Up until yesterday I avoided running at all costs. My first warm-up at Crossfit I almost panicked when I saw the words "Run 400 meters." I did my best, but I couldn't even get to the 50m mark without feeling like I was going to pass out. I came back in and Blair, the owner, told me, "You know, just run to 200m so you don't overdo it." Overdo it? Overdoing it at this point was walking up the slight incline when I would walk into a movie theater. This was different.
I learned that Blair updated the next days workouts nightly so I could scope out what I was in for. If there was running, I was having a REST DAY!! Then, sadly...I broke my toe. I emailed Blair immediately (even before I went to the dr), "Blair, I think I have a broken toe. Too bad I won't be able to run for 6 weeks." In my mind I was like, YES, no running for 6 weeks!! Woo Hoo!!
Well, six weeks have passed. Time to face the facts, it's time to learn how to run. Up until Monday, the farthest I had run was the 400m mark on our trail. It's at the top of a hill and in my mind past that marker was no mans land. The land of no return. The land of heavy breathing and embarrassing failure (this is all in my head, but I was SURE it was true). I would need to conquer this one in the comfort of my own zone, just to make sure I could do it.
Here is what I did: At around the 4 week broken toe mark I thought it was time to face this fear. I drove my car around my block and calculated what a mile was. I parked the car and without hesitation I started running! Even better, I finished it and was amazed at how my body actually went father than I thought it would. I was proud, crazy proud. If you could hear the thoughts in my head it would sound like his:
"OMG Jenny. You ran, well ran/walked, but hell..you moved one foot in front of the other. I didn't pass out or keel over on a neighbors yard asking for someone to call 911. Maybe it's a fluke. Maybe I measured the mile wrong. OMG, I just ran a mile!" It can be pretty back and forth at times me and myself. Confident Jenny and scared Jenny don't always agree. I'll have to say my confident side is winning the arguments lately.
Last week, I was feeling good on a Monday night till the Tuesday workout was updated online. "Run the hill, 1.8 miles." Damn, why is Blair doing this to ME!!!!??? Doesn't he know that there are mountain lions on trails in Folsom? Hmmnn, I know what to do...REST DAY!! Well, even though I avoided it, I shared my thoughts with my friend Mary and she said, let's do this together! We were off on Monday, so after the workout we were doing the run together.
Yesterdays WOD (Workout of the day) was great, but the run was looming in my head. I have to admit I thought about how I could get out of this commitment. But I just didn't want to, I made a commitment to Mary and to myself and we were going to do it. And we did! We even had another friend join us and it was a beautiful experience. We were very proud of ourselves and I was thankful for their support. And there we no mountain lions, only a regal hawk and beautiful deer.
And then, I show up to the gym this morning and the WOD included running 1 mile. WTF! I wasn't ready for this? I didn't prepare for this! How could I leave??? Um, no Jenny. You are ready for this. You have never been more ready. Time to do this and cross into no mans land after the 400m mark.
I have a surprise for you readers and I am going to kill the suspense. I survived the run. It was actually not that hard. There is some beautiful scenery after that 400m mark and I had people cheering me all the way as they passed me and passed me again. It was okay, there will come a day when I'll get to their pace. Today I was on my pace and loving every minute.
Moral of the story:
What ever your 400m mark represents is really not as scary as you think. It's probably way better than you could have ever imagined. The gift of crossing it and seeing the view from the top is a way better feeling that avoiding it, even if it's not easy. The 400m is still not my favorite thing in the world, but I won't fear it anymore. I won't dream about it and make it change my workout plan for the week. Today was another step to reclaiming me from the grips of my running monsters.
Monday, January 16, 2012
The Time is Now
My life is changing and I feel it. It's one of those magical times when everything seems to come together smoothly, not perfectly, but smoothly. Things are making sense and ideas are becoming clearer to me. This isn't one of those "It's January I am changing my life" type deal.
It's more like I have been working on this for a looong time and I think I am beginning to understand that there has been and will alway be one hinderance to my success and happiness in this lifetime, my huge addiction to my fearful thoughts. It's been a wild love affair that's ending and I am realizing I've been in an abusive relationship with myself. Go figure. It's me. Not you.
Back in June I had a trip to the doctor and weighed more than I ever had and more than I ever thought I would. I'm talking Biggest Loser show, FIRST weight in. I went back to work mortified and I did something I would never do before. I reached out for help. To a skinny person. To someone who I knew would help me. To an employee of mine. To a lifesaver.
Imagine this:
Jenny: Can I see you in my office?
Friend: Sure.
Jenny: I need your help. Can't do it anymore. Help Wanted.
Without hesitation she signed up for the job and the journey began.
There have been a lot of moving parts up to this point of today which I will share another time. But the important thing that I can see that in asking for help, love showed up.
I heard recently on the Gayle King talk show during an interview was a comment about the thoughts we have in our heads and how harsh hey can be to ourselves. I was in the car just leaving a hard workout at my gym (Crossfit Anywhere) and was really proud of myself. Gayle said, "You know, those thoughts are really like little monsters that live in our heads."
It hit me like a ton of bricks. FEAR, afraid, terrified, scary...they are all just thoughts that are screwing with our minds which lead to fearful actions (or in my case inaction). That moment I knew I would write a blog about me challenging my fears called "I'm Not Afraid of Monsters." That was last Novemeber...I've been too afraid to begin to write it for the following reasons:
It's more like I have been working on this for a looong time and I think I am beginning to understand that there has been and will alway be one hinderance to my success and happiness in this lifetime, my huge addiction to my fearful thoughts. It's been a wild love affair that's ending and I am realizing I've been in an abusive relationship with myself. Go figure. It's me. Not you.
Back in June I had a trip to the doctor and weighed more than I ever had and more than I ever thought I would. I'm talking Biggest Loser show, FIRST weight in. I went back to work mortified and I did something I would never do before. I reached out for help. To a skinny person. To someone who I knew would help me. To an employee of mine. To a lifesaver.
Imagine this:
Jenny: Can I see you in my office?
Friend: Sure.
Jenny: I need your help. Can't do it anymore. Help Wanted.
Without hesitation she signed up for the job and the journey began.
There have been a lot of moving parts up to this point of today which I will share another time. But the important thing that I can see that in asking for help, love showed up.
I heard recently on the Gayle King talk show during an interview was a comment about the thoughts we have in our heads and how harsh hey can be to ourselves. I was in the car just leaving a hard workout at my gym (Crossfit Anywhere) and was really proud of myself. Gayle said, "You know, those thoughts are really like little monsters that live in our heads."
It hit me like a ton of bricks. FEAR, afraid, terrified, scary...they are all just thoughts that are screwing with our minds which lead to fearful actions (or in my case inaction). That moment I knew I would write a blog about me challenging my fears called "I'm Not Afraid of Monsters." That was last Novemeber...I've been too afraid to begin to write it for the following reasons:
- What if people hate it and,
- I embarrase my family, or
- What if no one reads it, and
- I probably won't have anything to write about anyway!
- I'm a bad speller, what if spellcheck doesn't catch it,
- These things are permanent and what if I am applying for a job in the future and my employer reads it and think it's unprofessional...
DO YOU GET IT? I am FULL of crappy, fearful thoughts...And GUESS what...I don't think I am alone.
So, here I am writing it. Facing the fear head on.
Here's the deal, I am working on facing my fears and I want create and encourage others to do the same in this forum. It's time we all stop limiting ourselves and start loving ourselves. I plan to utilize this blog to update my fear facing adventures and to share stories of the same. I love to share great articles and video's that I find so you'll see those here too.
Most of all, I want to do the thing I have wanted to do for years. Write. Share. Grow. Life the life that I have dreamed up and God has granted.
Who wants to join me?
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