Just because I'm losing
Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I will cross
Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
There is Something About Mary
One of the biggest gifts I have been given in recent months is getting to meet a wonderful woman named Mary. During one quite brutal workout of dragging a sled through a parking lot, as the crowd was cheering me and others on to the finish line, a woman came out of the crowd and walked by my side and told me, "Wow, you are so strong! Good job!"
I was too out of breath to really thank her for the encouragement, but it really stood out to me. I thought there is something very special about her.
I started to notice that she was so caring and loving to all of us CrossFitters in our wonderful 6am class. She welcomes people with hugs, she cheers us along in the hard workouts, and she is hilarious!!
One day we were chatting and she told me that she was terrified every day to see what they workout was. I told her I felt the same way! I think at that moment we connected.
I hope everyone has a Mary in their life. She is honest, caring, authentic, and has been a pillar of support for me over the past few months. We both agree we showed up in each others life at the perfect time and are taking full advantage of how we can help each other grow.
I just want to give Mary a shout out. There is Something Special about Mary. There is nothing in her hair, it's all in her heart...it's lot's love!!
I was too out of breath to really thank her for the encouragement, but it really stood out to me. I thought there is something very special about her.
I started to notice that she was so caring and loving to all of us CrossFitters in our wonderful 6am class. She welcomes people with hugs, she cheers us along in the hard workouts, and she is hilarious!!
One day we were chatting and she told me that she was terrified every day to see what they workout was. I told her I felt the same way! I think at that moment we connected.
I hope everyone has a Mary in their life. She is honest, caring, authentic, and has been a pillar of support for me over the past few months. We both agree we showed up in each others life at the perfect time and are taking full advantage of how we can help each other grow.
I just want to give Mary a shout out. There is Something Special about Mary. There is nothing in her hair, it's all in her heart...it's lot's love!!
My Super-Ego Can Be a Super A-Hole
I have been in a funk, a super funk, a super-ego funk.
What, you ask, is a super-ego?
Based on the great Wikipedia:
The super-ego aims for perfection. It comprises that organised part of the personality structure, mainly but not entirely unconscious that criticises and prohibits his or her drives, fantasies, feelings, and actions. "The Super-ego can be thought of as a type of conscience that punishes misbehavior with feelings of guilt.
If you haven't read the first part of my blog, let me catch you up. I want to live a beautifully enlightened life, and choose to do so, even though my fears paralyze me at times. I am have been teetering on paralyzed for the past two weeks.
I don't know why or how it happens, but it sneaks up on me sometimes, my super critical perfectionist self. My critical voice that only sees good vs. bad, black vs. white, success or failure. There is no middle ground if the superego has her way. I can look in the mirror on one trip to the bathroom and think I am the hottest thing ever and come by an hour later and wonder how I have any friends. It's been a rough few weeks.
Last week it came to a head when I was on the trail with my friend Mary and I just stared crying, overwhelmed with emotion. I felt such a lack of connection to myself that I was getting nervous that all the work I had done over the past few months was slipping away just as I sharing my story. I was scared that everything was about to fall apart because I wasn't being perfect in my eating, my parenting, my work, my working out.
I forgot the most important thing, I don't need to do it perfectly. I need to do things with love, and that needs to start with myself.
I hit a boiling point on the misty trail. Once we were done talking I got in my car and cried a bit more. Mary sent me a text that said, "Sometimes soup has to boil to be good." I laughed and thought that was the perfect quote that I needed.
I'm resilient. My soup has boiled before and it always comes out way better than it was before, and that's the case here too. I've been through some major s$%! in my life and I have survived and thrived. I know if I trusted and was kind to myself I would pull out of my funk. I knew again that I wasn't going to give up, even if I wasn't doing things perfectly. I am working on being as kind to myself as I am to others. I am working on taking care of me without fear that everything else will fall apart.
And, I know another funk awaits me one of these days when something lights up my Super-ego and I'll have to go through this process again, but I think I am gaining some tools on how to turn it around sooner. This weekend I mediated and went to yoga to help calm my mind and it helped greatly. Life is good, super-ego is in check for now.
What, you ask, is a super-ego?
Based on the great Wikipedia:
The super-ego aims for perfection. It comprises that organised part of the personality structure, mainly but not entirely unconscious that criticises and prohibits his or her drives, fantasies, feelings, and actions. "The Super-ego can be thought of as a type of conscience that punishes misbehavior with feelings of guilt.
If you haven't read the first part of my blog, let me catch you up. I want to live a beautifully enlightened life, and choose to do so, even though my fears paralyze me at times. I am have been teetering on paralyzed for the past two weeks.
I don't know why or how it happens, but it sneaks up on me sometimes, my super critical perfectionist self. My critical voice that only sees good vs. bad, black vs. white, success or failure. There is no middle ground if the superego has her way. I can look in the mirror on one trip to the bathroom and think I am the hottest thing ever and come by an hour later and wonder how I have any friends. It's been a rough few weeks.
Last week it came to a head when I was on the trail with my friend Mary and I just stared crying, overwhelmed with emotion. I felt such a lack of connection to myself that I was getting nervous that all the work I had done over the past few months was slipping away just as I sharing my story. I was scared that everything was about to fall apart because I wasn't being perfect in my eating, my parenting, my work, my working out.
I forgot the most important thing, I don't need to do it perfectly. I need to do things with love, and that needs to start with myself.
I hit a boiling point on the misty trail. Once we were done talking I got in my car and cried a bit more. Mary sent me a text that said, "Sometimes soup has to boil to be good." I laughed and thought that was the perfect quote that I needed.
I'm resilient. My soup has boiled before and it always comes out way better than it was before, and that's the case here too. I've been through some major s$%! in my life and I have survived and thrived. I know if I trusted and was kind to myself I would pull out of my funk. I knew again that I wasn't going to give up, even if I wasn't doing things perfectly. I am working on being as kind to myself as I am to others. I am working on taking care of me without fear that everything else will fall apart.
And, I know another funk awaits me one of these days when something lights up my Super-ego and I'll have to go through this process again, but I think I am gaining some tools on how to turn it around sooner. This weekend I mediated and went to yoga to help calm my mind and it helped greatly. Life is good, super-ego is in check for now.
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